Family

I can see it all on the horizon. Or, I think I can... Maybe it is just the light in the distance playing tricks with my eyes. No. There is something there. Leave the fear behind. All I can do is take steps toward it each day. And be where I am.

For a myriad of reasons, last week generally sucked. I think I'm getting better at shaking it off though, so that's something. But it wasn't all bad. Time for a list of all that is good. Focus, focus, focus on that, and I will keep on the right track.

1. Friday I got the extremely good news that my mom had gotten a clean bill of health after getting a scary call from the doctor at the start of the week. I couldn't even tell people about it cause I was so freaked out.
2. Also, some other great news, was that Sam (Scott's girlfriend) got approved for a three year visa to come back to Canada. This is super exciting, as I miss them dearly, and it means they can come back later in the year for another visit (or if we're lucky to stay for a while)!
3. Got a good amount of work done, despite feeling crappy and working from home most of the week.
4. Had a nice, unplanned, relaxed day yesterday, meandering after lunch with Rachael in the glorious sunshine, and then hanging out while Boris cut up and cooked his haul of meat (mmmm... delicious pork).
5. Sleeping a ton. I slept almost 10 hours a night the last three nights, and finally feel almost un-tired from last weekend.
6. Finally replacing my Proof trade paperbacks (got one, and the other two are on order) that I somewhat naively lent out and didn't get back. Live and learn.
7. Funny phone conversations with my dad.
8. Cute boys!
9. Hilarious tiny dogs in sweaters.
10. Getting nice emails back from my cousins.
11. Spending all day today lounging and Drupalling.

You know life ain't half bad when...

---------

I went to LA last weekend to visit my cousins (this being the rescheduled trip from Christmas). The timing was actually perfect - one of my cousins just had his first kid a few weeks prior, and another is going to be moving to Oregon in a couple months (which is actually great, cause it's closer to me!)  I had such a nice visit with them, and just felt really happy and relaxed there.  Better than I'd felt in a long time. (Photos from LA)

Things change so quickly these days, friends having families (congrats Mark and Deb!), people changing jobs, people moving back and forth... I feel so freshly settled into my current life some days that it all just seems to whiz by me.  It's like I'm walking in slow motion while everyone else runs around in a game of tag.

But I know that however slowly, I am moving forward.  I think this summer is getting off to a good start.  Some things that were broken have been rebuilt, things I thought may never be repairable.  And I think with the help of some trusted friends, I am starting to feel at peace with my place in the world, and worry less and less about whether things are right, as long as they work.

"We are entering a world," said one expert, "where people aren't interested in whether something is true or not, or whether they believe it or not, but whether it works." That would be a good prescription for you in the coming months, Scorpio. I recommend that you reject any idea or theory or practice unless it has the practical value of making you feel more at home in the world and more accepting of yourself.  (Freewill Astrology)

I could write about all the things that sucked in 2008, but why dwell when on the cusp of a new year?  Instead I'm just going to be thankful for the things that were awesome, and jump wholeheartedly into a new year full of new opportunities.

Things in 2008 that I remember being awesome:

Spring - Highlights definitely revolved around conferences.  Northern Voice in February, where I faced my fear of public speaking for the first time since university, DrupalCon in Boston where I got inspired and met lots of great people, and helping organize Drupal Camp Vancouver which happened in May and was a big success.  All three were lots of fun.

Summer - Lounging at English Bay, going for bike rides on the beach and at Stanley Park, barbeques, the farmer's market, walking around going to art galleries, going to the cabin, and generally kicking around enjoying what was a pretty nice summer weather-wise.  Major highlights were also the brief but enjoyable trip down to Portland with Scott, where we met up with some other friends, and attending my old next-door neighbour's wedding party in Saskatoon, where I got to hang out with a bunch of the kids I grew up with for the first time in years.

Fall - Starting my new job is definitely up there... hmm... not too many fall memories... Halloween at Boris' was really fun.

Winter -  The snow, though not always convenient, was a nice change in pace.  Lots of reading good books, crafting. Friends.  Turned 28.

Overall, I have to say I'm closing out this year appreciating friends, my job, and making slow but steady progress working on my personal health and well-being.  Update: forgot to say, was also very pleased about the progressive wins in the US and Vancouver mayoral elections!

Intentions for 2009:

Mainly, my intentions surround continuing to improve my health and well-being, and also figuring out how to accept my limitations and be unappologetic about them (that might sound easy, but it's proving to be very challenging).  Personal relationships (family and friends) is also high on the list of priorities...interestingly enough, everyone's favorite horoscope site seems to think that will be an area of focus this coming year:

From Free Will Astrology:

Studies suggest that the average person who reaches old age has been upset with some family member or another for a total of 30 years. Is that a standard you'd like to match, Scorpio? If not, you will have an excellent chance to reduce any inclination you might have to hold grudges in 2009. The coming months will bring you ripe opportunities to dissolve tensions between you and your kin. You will also be more skilled than usual at navigating your way with grace and diplomacy through complications involving the home and domestic issues.

I also intend to keep becoming an awesomer (yes, awesomer) project manager and Drupaller and keep making sure I can say (at least on most days!) that I love my job.  From the looks of my horoscope, perhaps with any luck I'll be able to sort out my housing situation (ie. move) as well.

Onward and upward.

From my twitter this morning: "intentions for the year to come: treat myself with the same kindness as i do those dearest to me. keep an open heart. laugh love breathe."

(If I look a little squinty it's cause of the crazy strong winds trying to knock me over...)

To be honest, I've had a crappy day.  I tried (probably unsuccessfully) to put on my game face when my parents skyped me to say happy birthday (sorry mom!), but I'm feeling le crap today, mainly thanks to about a week and a half's worth of crappy sleeps that are catching up with me bigtime.  (That reminds me, if anyone hears about any great apartments for rent in the West End or Mt. Pleasant/Cambie area, I'd be very interested in hearing about it!)  But hey, I've made it this far, and I know that not every day is rough so I just have to wait these ones out.  Luckily, I'm not really celebrating my birthday for a couple days so I'll have time to recover a bit!

My parents sent me some really lovely and cheery flowers, and a box of goodies, which was very nice (thanks!) and I've had a steady stream of messages and even a couple surprise phone calls today that have reminded me how many wonderful lovely people are in my life.

And since I'm a bit of a crankster today, here's my attempt to focus on the good:

1. Sunshine.
2. The new Constantines album.
3. Having a job that is interesting and allows me to take care of myself.
4. Chatting with Scott on the phone for the first time since he left.
5. Lotsa birthday wishes.
6. Smoked salmon and roasted potatoes with shallots and garlic.
7. Looking forward to massage appointment tomorrow.
8. Skittles.
9. My mom being silly and holding the dog up to the webcam to say hello.
10. Talking to my dad more lately.
11. Magicbags. (Don't know what they are? Click here.)
12. Every day is a new chance for awesomeness.
13. (And a late addition:) Alex turning up with pressies and moral support.

But hey, shit happens. Was too busy cleaning, making food, and lazing around in a turkey coma.

1. Lovely friends (extra thanks for making Ariane-friendly food!)
2. Feeling supported and loved
3. New job (apparently it will stop feeling exciting at some point, but for now it's still up there)
4. Tasty local grapes, and crack filled yam goop, and turkey, and potatoes, and cranberry sauce, and...
5. My new sweater (I know, but I just love it)
6. Extended farmer's market season
7. Being content being in a place that I never would have predicted I'd be
8. Relatively good health of late
9. Election day (I am an election junkie, what can I say?)
10. Staying optimistic even when it's difficult
11. Good music (Adele and MGMT are on heavy rotation this week)

First things first--I just got a bunch of film from the past 2 years developed (including from the Gastown/Chinatown all film photowalk from earlier in the summer). A few shots here, and if you want to see the rest of them check it out the set on Flickr.

Went out to Launch Party tonight for a little bit, but just really flaked out pretty quickly and decided to head home after saying hi to everyone. Last day on antibiotics, yay! Hopefully the dreaded sinus infection is gone for good, I don't think I can take any more of it!

My parents came out last weekend for a visit because my dad had a consulting thing here on Tuesday, but he had to go home Wednesday morning so he could get back to his teaching duties. My mom's here till tomorrow evening, so we got to spend a little extra time together. Pretty good visit and got to see some relatives too earlier in the week, which was nice.

In other news, I'm about to start a new job next week, which I'm really excited about! It's going to be a bit of an adjustment after being so lucky to have a bunch of time off, but I think it's going to be really great and interesting, and all that good stuff, so I am looking forward to getting back into a routine and being productive again!

My apartment is an ongoing gong show: bed bugs (last spray is Monday but I actually finally saw one, it was floating in my toilet and I think fell out of the ceiling vent above, since I still haven't actually had any in my bed, but now I'm freaked out!), pipes bursting and water being shut off randomly (no water for me tomorrow, boo), chunks of cement falling off the balcony, and still to have new windows installed...if anyone hears about a good place in the West End or Mount Pleasant, let me know!!!

Otherwise, the residual summer craziness seems to be quieting down, and I am starting to feel a little more balanced again. It's going to be nice to have a routine again and also just to get back to doing normal stuff. Hopefully it will also help get my sleeping patterns somewhat normalized again as well... Going to the gym, reading, spending time with friends who are finishing big endeavours (you know who you are, congrats!), maybe getting the ol' crafternoons going again. It will be very, very nice... Hello fall, it's good to see you.